Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just google imaged poop.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
