So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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