What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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