She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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