Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
