So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
