The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
