Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
