Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
