the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
