I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
