the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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