I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
