I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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