pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
