What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
