I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
