im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
