she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize