i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
