Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
