At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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