he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
