What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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