I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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