When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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