I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
