yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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