He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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