Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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