You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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