Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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