I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
