One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
