He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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