walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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