I wanna bring you to show and tell
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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