I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
