I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is my gift to your gina
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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