forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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