The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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