Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
