i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
