jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
