can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
