I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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