I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
