I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I could make wine with my vomit
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
