I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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