She said her name was "party"
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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