Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
